A Lazy Day

Well it's official... I'm back to work. It's going well and is working out better than my last attempt at going back to work. The commute to South Austin was not worth the perks and no one would give me a straight answer about the 'open availability' requirement. Why would they ask you to commit to 20 extra hours a week that you couldn't if you are already committing to 40 and them not expect to be able to call that in to use? It would be better (and more honest) to just be up front about it and say that we'll need for you to be on call on your days off. Blah... they can have it.

Anyway... so other than that I have been exceedingly restless about things. We had to say good bye to our house guest, Whipple. Hopefully he was able to recharge and relax after the hurricane. I'm sure that after experiencing the joys of parenting teenagers he was ready to head home. It was nice having him here. As usual he is missed.

Last weekend we got to go see a friend's band play in Fredericksburg. It was a great evening. Fredericksburg is such a pleasant and welcoming little town. I always enjoy visiting there. The venue was so cozy and comfortable. The evening was cool and breezy, no bugs. The opening of the new Pioneer Museum and the Roots Music Festival. Going anywhere in town (we have been trying to get over to Zilker Botanical Gardens for the Dinoland thing) would have been a joke with ACL and the UT game in town so we opted to get away. Good food, good music and a chance to get the kids in on the show. Very different atmosphere than we are used to seeing them in(the band, I mean.), but as usual they stole the show and made lots of new fans. We had a great time. The kids were exhausted and excited that they got to meet 'celebrities'. LOL

This week has been slow and frustrating. Me getting back to work and trying to plan our schedules so that JM can start his EMT certification classes (He started today!!) and planning for the kids' extracurricular activities. I'm so proud of all of them. I'm hoping to find a routine to get into soon as physical therapy is not happening and getting used to my work schedule and JM's schedules for work and school. Those have been the hardest to sync up. We have to find a way to get my car up here. We are going to wind up needing a second vehicle faster than JM thinks. On top of that we are now shopping around for a laptop. I hate it when he finds rational reasons to need things that we just don't need. Again, blah...

I actually heard from T yesterday and the day before. TWO DAYS IN A ROW! Exciting right? Although they were only fractured text messages. It was still good to have some contact after so long. I guess I'm still having withdrawls. After not knowing for so long and then having such easy access to him for a short time and now he's gone... well at least I know how to contact him these days. Being able to reach out now is still a wondrous thing. Cest la vie.

Hopefully I can shake this brain cloud that is building soon. I really want to be able to find my stride before my holiday season begins. As of this coming Tuesday we will have been in our house for a year. I am dearly looking forward to the changing seasons and time spent with family and friends. Not sure how much travelling we will be doing this year as our schedules and gas prices may keep us pretty close to home. We'll see. I have some very high aspirations for this holiday season and not making at least one weekend of faire isn't one of them.

We missed TRF completely last year due to our move. It was sad, but so worth it. We missed Scarby due to my car accident and the subsequent injury. Didn't even realize it but we missed Serendipity, because we forgot. IF you can believe that. The Texas Renaissance Festival is our home fair and will open for this season in 6 days, 18 hours and 30 minutes. (nope I'm not counting down or nothing) Not sure if we'll be able to camp this year (CRYING), but to not go at all is just a heart break. So much fun and mischief and friends. I'll keep my fingers crossed.

Well as I have nothing more exciting to contribute this time, I'll wrap this up. Much love to all. Hugs and warm fuzzies to all that need it. Take Care, T

You wanna know how I really feel?

As I sit here, trying to sort things out, I realize that there are things that simply can't be avoided. I am a avid procrastinator and for the most part I try to be an ethical and decent person. I have lived my life in the open and I have no regrets for the choices that I have made. The facts of my life are sometimes sad and disturbing, but for the most part there isn't one thing that I would change. I am grateful and content that I am where I am in my life. I have my health and for the most part my sanity. I have three healthy and wonderful children. I have the companionship, friendship and love of a decent man. I am finally back where I have longed to be geographically, spiritually, mentally. The best part of all this, is that I have had the opportunity to enjoy, share and really appreciate my blessings without fear or apprehension. I have made the determined choice to revel in my moments and seek out the positive things that give me the strength to tackle my obstacles.

The last year has been extremely difficult, and due to those issues we made some very hasty, but needed changes in our lives. In doing so it has grounded us as a family. We have learned to laugh and trust more. So while there are very real problems that still lie ahead, for the first time in a long time we are taking things as a team and standing together as a family. My struggling marriage is growing again. I'm getting the chance to enjoy my husband as a friend again. For a long time it felt as if we were some kind of weird business partners or something trying to save a failing company. With the quiet passing of our anniversary, I feel like we have really accomplished something. Raising our children by our standards and values and growing together as parents, as individuals and most importantly as friends.

I find myself taking issue with everything and nothing. I am finding an odd sense of apathy growing from within that is really eating at me. Perhaps it's PMS, my MD or the fact that so much is going on with the holidays and family that this post alone has taken me almost two weeks to write this post. I had so many things to share and get off my chest that it has kind of piled up emotionally and now I have no where to start. It's OK though. I'm better than I have been in many years and while this holiday season has been really wonky at best, the dark clouds that usually hover around me at this time of year are sitting on the horizon. Still waiting to engulf me at any moment, but not threatening to swallow me whole.

I will end this haphazzard post having shared nothing, yet conveying everything I really needed to say. I wish for peace to be with you and yours. To whomever it applies, you are loved beyond measure and will always be in my thoughts, hopes and prayers for the future.