To Do Lists

You know I have been in the worst funk lately. (see last post) However, I can't stand myself I'm so excited. Today is going to be so busy and exciting and nervewracking and overwhelming and... well I could go on. Besides my frustration on the job front and the previously mentioned cloud of gloom that has been trailing me lately, I get a huge gift of heart and love.

My home will be overflowing with my very favorite people in the whole world.
-> How cool is that?

My Tom, Miss Mouse, her hubby, their beautiful Bug and Her Bestest, will be gracing us with their company this evening. It's so awesome. I am going to be flying around today getting ready and have several to do lists. My Tom will be assisting with special acquistions and other goodies. Which means I get extra one on one time with him. YAY!!

My Doodle was so very thrilled when he heard that his buddy Bug would be here and then got upset because she wasn't going to his school with him. We hugged and giggled and I reassured him that he would see her today after school. He was still a little sad, but happy and singing about seeing her later as he got into the truck to leave. Kait and Zach are excited as well. They are really looking forward to Miss Mouse and her hubby's brillant sense of humor and getting to know Miss Mouse's Bestest.

This is shorter than I usually post, but I have so very much to do still and will have more to share after the fact. To those that can't be here, you are loved and missed and will be here in our hearts.


So as I open my windows and start my chores... I notice the song birds are back and a family of ducks has taken up residence on the stock pond.


Damn... it's gonna be a good day.

Rain, rain go away...

I have been emotionally happy dancing in appreciation for all the amazing gifts that have come into my life for a while now. While I am still completely appreciative for these gifts and amazed by my own ability to heal, I am feeling that sinking feeling for the first time in a while. Not really sure why or really what sparked it.

For those that are not aware, I am manic depressive.

Yes, I understand the nature of what is happening to me physiologically and I know that for a number of reasons my chemistry is off kilter. For my purposes, right now it is not the actual breakdown of the disorder that I am concerned with. If you are not familiar with manic depression, google it. Not sound cold or rude, but this is for my purposes and right now I'm feeling a little anti.

Anyway, I'm never really sure what triggers it. However, I can definitely tell when it's fixing to bite me in the behind. Perhaps it is knowing that people close to me are in suffering or that I am suddenly (again) wickedly, self aware of my ever changing body or that I am desperately missing a certain person that means the world to my girl or perhaps it is simply just this funky weather.

Common sense tells me I am fine. I have awesome things working in my life. My friends will heal and I will be able to cry and celebrate with them when the time comes. My body is weird and the progressive weight loss (more on that later) will make it more so before I am comfortable in my own skin again. My sweet girl, will see her 'sister' soon and we will all laugh again. The rain will pass, the sun will shine and all will be right with the world. Right? "Well of course, you great ninny." I tell myself.

So in the meantime... I will hold the hands of the people I love. Just to be sure of them. I will cry. For no apparent reason. I will hope and pray. Because late at night (well anytime really), it makes me feel better nowing that Someone is there talking me down. I will be quiet. Sometimes just remembering how to be still, brings me peace.

Normally I wouldn't post this. To me it seems to be like I am fishing for comfort or unwarranted sympathy. I really do not like the feeling that I am some kind of emotional train wreck or that I am burdening others with my nonsense. I do it now as a reminder to myself that I am OK. This little spell hit fast and out of the blue. This, like so many other things, will also pass.

There are a million little things that are testing me right now and in order to keep things on track, I just have to remember what is important. Everything else will be sorted out, with or without, my intervention or two cents. So at the moment, while I may seem scatter brained or forgetful; please know you are loved, I am still here and things happen for a reason.

And most importantly... be patient.